


Merry Fucking Christmas

by insipid_rhyme



Series: Gallavich One-Shots [8]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Presents, M/M, Mistletoe, embarrassed!Mickey, embarrassed!ian, mentions of anal sex, mentions of rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 01:40:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13307706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insipid_rhyme/pseuds/insipid_rhyme
Summary: Mickey and Ian go to the Gallagher's for Christmas, and there's too much Mistletoe. Also Kevin buys the best gifts.Or - my late and very unconventional Christmas oneshot.





	Merry Fucking Christmas

"I'm so excited for today," Ian said happily, smiling ear-to-ear as he stood in front of the floor length mirror, twisting slightly so he could see his backside. He may not have a perfect bubble butt like Mickey, but damn these pants made his ass look good. Mickey groaned from the bed, pulling the blankets up over his head and trying to go back to sleep. 

"Come on, Mickey!" Ian said cheerfully, approaching the bed. "It's Christmas!" He crawled onto the bed and laid down next to the lump under the blankets. Mickey made a sound low in his throat and peeked his head out. 

"Yeah, and it's also-" he looked at the clock on the beside table, "7:30 in the fuckin morning. So fuck you and let me sleep." 

"Fuck me, huh?" Ian said suggestively, running a hand down Mickey's back and sliding it further to rest on his ass cheek, squeezing the lump of fat firmly in his large hand. Mickey's ass felt both squishy and firm at the same time, and Ian would never understand the mechanics behind it. He just worshipped it instead of asking questions. It was, after all, God's gift to the world. Mickey squirmed a little under Ian's hand. 

"Piss off," he mumbled from under the blankets. "M'sleeping." Ian continued to knead and squeeze at the flesh. Mickey frogged his legs out slightly, pushing back into his hand. "But maybe later?" he suggested sleepily, his voice muffled. Ian chuckled and lifted the blanket so he could kiss Mickey's cheek. 

"Alright, baby, later. I'll let you sleep," he said sweetly, looking down at his boyfriend fondly. Mickey hummed quietly. Ian moved to get up from the bed but Mickey whined. Ian looked back at his boyfriend in confusion. Mickey was peeking up at him hazily.

"Could you keep doing it though, till I fall asleep?" he asked shyly. Ian smiled, relaxing back on the bed next to Mickey. 

"Do what?" Ian asked, resting his hand back on Mickey's bubble butt and squeezing, then rubbing, then kneading the flesh in his big hand. "This?" 

Mickey hummed his confirmation, nuzzling into his pillow before sighing sleepily and preparing to fall asleep, all while thoroughly enjoying the massage his boyfriend was applying to his ass. Ian shook his head fondly as he continued his ministrations. 

*** 

Ian woke his boyfriend up three hours later with a fresh cup of coffee in hand. His boyfriend was so adorable when he was sleepy. He sat up against the headboard and sipped at the coffee while looking up at Ian grumpily. 

"Merry Christmas, baby," Ian cooed, leaning down and pecking his boyfriend on the mouth, tasting the coffee on his lips. 

"Thought I told you to stop calling me that," Mickey grumbled. 

"You did," Ian confirmed. "I didn't listen." Mickey shook his head and sighed, letting his head fall back and bang lightly against the wooden headboard. Ian grinned and lightly swatted at his thigh. 

"Now hurry up and get ready, it's already ten and we were supposed to be at Fiona's at nine-thirty," he said as he stood up from the bed. "Be glad I even let you sleep in. I had plans to eat you out for an hour straight before we left." Mickey groaned at his boyfriend’s words, his ass automatically clenching around nothing. 

"Why we gotta go to your sisters?" he whined. "You fuckin' Gallagher's are so loud… worst Christmas present ever." 

Ian rolled his eyes fondly. "Shut the fuck up, Mickey, you love my family. You can deny it all you want, but I see it when you play with Liam and help Debbie with homework and teach Carl how to throw a proper punch." 

Mickey rolled his eyes, not even trying to deny it. "Still hate your dick of a brother," he grumbled. "Dumbass college boy." 

Ian shrugged. "Yeah well, some things never change," he said indifferently. "Now get the fuck up and get dressed!" 

"Yeah, yeah," Mickey sighed, forcing himself out of bed. He shivered as the warmth from the blankets was replaced with the cold winter air biting at his pale skin. Ian slapped his ass, hard as Mickey shuffled to the bathroom, and Mickey threw a glare over his shoulder before going to empty his bladder. Ian entered the bathroom and stood at the sink next to him to brush his teeth. Mickey yawned before finishing his piss, turning around to sit on the toilet for his morning dump, still with Ian stood right next to him. Mickey absently wondered when they had become so comfortable around each other. 

*** 

As soon as him and Ian entered the Gallagher house, there was a loud chorus of "Merry Christmas!" Mickey winced and hid slightly behind Ian as his boyfriend stood smiling happily at his family. 

"You guys are here, finally!" Fiona stated cheerfully as she embraced Ian in a tight hug. She was wearing an unflattering Christmas sweater and an orange paper crown that always came in those cheap ass bonbons. Mickey stiffened as Fiona pulled him into a hug, squeezing him tightly before pulling away to press a kiss to his forehead. "Merry Christmas!" she said to him, squeezing his shoulders affectionately. Mickey chuckled awkwardly. 

"M-Merry Christmas," he stammered, his cheeks warming. 

"Come sit down!" She said, gesturing to the already packed dining table. 

"Wait!" Debbie said, pointing to the archway that led into the kitchen. "Mistletoe!" Mickey frowned and looked up at the Mistletoe hung above him and Ian. Ian looked at him with a huge grin, stepping closer to him and placing both hands on Mickey's waist as he leaned down and pressed a chaste but passionate kiss to Mickey's lips. Mickey heard the Gallagher's and even the fucking Balls cooing at him and Ian, and he pulled away hastily, staring at the floor as his cheeks went bright red. Him and Ian were never really affectionate around others. Mickey was out as gay and everyone knew he and Ian were together. That was enough for Mickey, no need for PDA. Ian pressed another kiss to his cheek and then pulled him over to the dining table. There was barely enough room for another two people, so Carl sat up at the breakfast bar and Fiona held Liam in her lap, speaking to him in that annoying baby voice that adults always used around babies and toddlers. 

"Help yourself, guys," Fiona said, gesturing to the plates of food spread out on the table. 

"What do you want, baby?" Ian asked him, and Mickey stomped on his foot from under the table. Ian flinched. 

"Oh my God, you actually have pet names for each other?" Debbie cooed. Mickey's blush spread to his chest. 

"How gay," Carl said from the breakfast bar. Kevin reached up and slapped him upside the head while Fiona yelled "Carl!" 

"No, we don't have fuckin' pet names," Mickey said quietly as Ian filled his plate up with banana pancakes, covering them with syrup before placing them in front of Mickey, shooting him a smug smile. 

"Whatever you say, baby," he said, leaning in close and kissing the tip of his nose. Mickey swatted at his arm and rubbed at his face. 

"Hurry up and eat so we can open presents!" Carl said impatiently, fidgeting on his stool. Mickey rolled his eyes and started stuffing his face with food, getting syrup smeared over his mouth. Ian smiled adoringly and leaned in for a firm kiss, and Mickey kept his mouth closed around his food. Ian pulled away and licked at his lips, tasting the sugary sweetness of the maple syrup. Mickey shot him a glare and swallowed his mouthful of food before filling it again, and again, until his plate was empty and his stomach pleasantly filled. 

"Present time!" Carl shouted, running off into the living room, Debbie and Liam hot on his heels. Everyone else got up slowly and headed for the living room, Mickey and Ian rounding up the group, Mickey's hand clutched tightly in Ian's. They were about to step through the wide archway when Fiona turned around, clicking her tongue. 

"Mistletoe," she said smugly, smirking. Everyone else turned around to watch, matching smirks on all of their faces. Mickey barely held in a growl of frustration. Ian turned to him, smiling, and leaned down quickly to press their lips together before plunging his tongue into Mickey's slack mouth, tasting the banana pancakes and syrup, but also that underlying hint of Mickey. Mickey barely responded, too aware of their audience, just stood there awkwardly with his hands either side of him. When Ian pulled back, there was a thick strip of saliva still connecting them. 

"Gross," Carl blurted out, and Mickey hastily batted the string of spit away, his cheeks bright bed and burning. He scowled up at Ian, who only grinned in response. The redhead had no shame. 

They all sat down on the floor around the Christmas tree while the presents were passed around and teared open. Mickey watched the glee on Debbie's face as she opened one of her presents from Fiona, a huge box filled with all types of makeup and nail polishes.

Carl squinted at the card on one present, trying to read the untidy scrawl. "This is all spelt weird, but I'm pretty sure it's to you," Carl said, then shoved the present at Mickey. 

"What- to me?" Mickey asked, feeling uncomfortable under all their gazes. 

"Well, open it," Carl encouraged, already tearing into another present of his. Mickey gulped and carefully ripped open the wrapping paper to see a black cardboard box. He slowly lifted the two flaps, then gasped and closed them quickly. He looked around at all the Gallagher's and the two Ball's and swallowed thickly. He looked down at the card and saw that it was from Kevin. He glared at the gentle giant. 

"The fuck is wrong with you?" he demanded. Ian frowned in confusion. 

"What's wrong, bab-" 

"Don't you finish that fucking sentence," Mickey gritted out, then fixed his glare back on Kevin. The man shrugged innocently. 

"I didn't know what to get you," he said indifferently. Mickey sputtered. 

"How about anything else?!" he exclaimed. "Literally anything but what's in this box." 

"What's in the box?" Carl asked excitedly. "Is it a gun?" 

"I wish," Mickey mumbled under his breath. "Then I could shoot you with it," he hissed at Kevin. Kevin held his hands up in surrender. 

"Mickey, what's in the box?" Ian asked curiously, wanting to know what was causing his boyfriend to react this way. "It can't be that bad." 

Mickey laughed without humor, thrusting the box at Ian. "How about you see for yourself!" 

Ian shrugged easily then opened the box, hiding the contents from view. He bit down harshly on his bottom lip to keep from laughing, then looked up at Kev, who had his eyebrows raised, like he was saying, "So?" 

"Mickey already has this at home," Ian said smugly. Mickey gasped, punching Ian in the arm as hard as he could.

"Jesus fuck, Mickey!" Ian groaned, grasping his arm, then the box fell from Ian's lap and tipped onto the floor… and the packaged gift from inside the box fell out onto the floor. On the front, it read Bigbanana 8 Inches Liquid Silicone Dildo with Suction Cup, in huge bold letters. Mickey felt like his entire face was on fire as everyone stared at the flesh coloured and veiny eight inch dildo. That Ian had told everyone he already had. For fucks sake. 

"Oh my god," Debbie whispered, her eyes wide as saucers. 

"That thing looks scary," Carl added.

"That thing IS scary," Lip chimed in, his voice quiet. They all looked up at Mickey at the same time, all with the same stunned and grossed out look on their face. 

"You have this at home?" Debbie asked, her voice awed. 

"Do you actually fit that in your ass?" Carl added, sounding too interested. Ian raised an eyebrow. Yeah, the dildo was thick and eight inches long… but his dick was thicker and even longer. 

"What do you mean, of course it can fit in his ass-" 

"Oh my God, shut the fuck up!" Mickey screamed, curling in on himself in mortification. This was the most embarrassing thing he'd ever experienced in his entire life. 

Fiona and Vee were falling over each other, trying so hard to hide their laughter from the pissed off Milkovich. They couldn't believe that he was the one who took it up the ass! 

"K-Kev, I owe you twenty bucks," Fiona gasped out, reaching into her back pocket and fishing out a scrunched up twenty dollar note and handing it to Kev, who accepted it gladly. 

"See, I told you I wasn't lying! I saw them going at it at the Alibi when they thought it was clos-" 

"Aye, what the fuck?!" Mickey exclaimed. "The fuck?!" he repeated. 

Kev just shrugged helplessly. "I didn't mean to see it, I can't un-see it! I didn't want to see it!" he defended himself. "But while I was seeing it I couldn't help seeing that Ian was… you know, on top… and you were…" 

"Taking it up the ass like a pornstar!" Vee yelled out, laughing maniacally and slapping her thigh repeatedly. 

"Yeah… so I thought you might like this for Christmas," he said awkwardly, gesturing to the grossly realistic dildo. "It has a suction cup?" he added, the statement sounding like a question. "So you can... ride it-" 

"Okay, yes, thank you," Mickey said sarcastically, standing up from the floor and ready to walk the fuck out the door. 

"And I couldn't find any ones bigger," Kev said apologetically. Mickey stared at him with wide eyes. 

"Why would he need a bigger one?" Lip asked, chuckling uncomfortably. "That one looks more than big enough." 

"Well, I thought maybe Mickey would like a dildo the same size as Ian, or maybe even bigger-"

"KEVIN!" Mickey and Ian screamed in unison, both their red faces matching. Now Ian was embarrassed. 

"You're bigger than that?!" Lip exclaimed, eyes wide and jaw dropped. 

Ian groaned quietly and brought his knees up, wrapping his arms around his legs and dipping his head low. His face was as red as his hair. 

"Oh my God, really?" Carl asked excitedly. "Does that mean I'll have a huge dick like Ian?!" 

"No, Carl," Lip said awkwardly. 

"How do you know?" Carl said defensively. "I might!" 

"Well, judging by Lip's reaction, he ain't nowhere that big. So I'm guessing Ian got his, ugh… genes… from Clayton," Fiona elaborated awkwardly. 

"You know what, we're gonna leave," Ian said suddenly, standing up and grabbing Mickey's hand, dragging him out of the living room and towards the back door. 

"Mistletoe!" Everyone yelled as they passed under the archway. 

"Fuck off!" Ian and Mickey yelled back together, leaving the house with bright red faces. 

"We are not going to your sisters house for Christmas anymore," Mickey hissed in Ian's ear as they headed for the El. "Or ever." 

"Agreed," Ian said, his voice subdued. 

Great, Mickey thought. Now everyone knew he took it up the ass. AND how big the dick he was taking up the ass was. Just great. Merry fucking Christmas.

**Author's Note:**

> I love comments, guys :)  
> My tumblr is insipidrhyme17 if you have any Gallavich prompts to send my way!


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